Exactly a year ago, 9 December 2014, i went through a very difficult break up. I separated from a guy, i claim to love, a guy i thought i would end up with. A year by pass so darn quick, i cant believe its been a year we've separated, and by all honesty, i never thought i could actually make it.

He was the buy i thought i'll end up with, he's the boy i never imagined without, he's the boy i've planned all sorts of future with, he's the boy i would sacrifice anything and everything for, he was the first boy i fell in love with. I'm not sure if what he had was love, but what i had was definitely love, immature dependencies, and definitely definitely a life lesson..

I thank Allah honestly, for everything that happened between us, from the meet up, to everything in between, and lastly to the separate. I've seen myself grow so much into someone who is much stronger, someone who wouldn't get affected by negativity so much, someone who could go on without putting dependency freely on people, i've learn so so much in a year that i'm alone.
I couldn't thank Allah enough, He's set one of the greatest challenge for me to grow as a person, and alhamdullilah.

Im not sure if ive actually gotten over him, because i still catch myself thinking about him at times, missing him on random days, looking out for him when i know he'll be at the same place at the same time, thinking about what we used to had. I dont regret separating from him, definitely not. But i guess, its just not easy to forget someone who give you so much to remember, and its not easy moving on from someone who changed me so much.

He was the emotional support, mental support, physical support that i needed. He was there for me when i was down, he was there when i needed someone to talk to, he was there for me giving me advises when i needed opinions. Best of all, he's the one that kept me in his prayers each time i'm screwed up for something, when i needed his prayers. He gifted me a Quran about 2 years back, and till today,that was the best gift i've gotten. Up till date, i've still got 2 boxes filled with his letters, his gifts, his pictures, everything we had. Its packed up in 2 different boxes right under my study table.

What can i say? I honestly have not seen myself being with anyone else, even how much i've met and known other guys, made friends with others, i've not seen myself being and ending up with anyone else. Im definitely am sure in love. But on a side note, ive gotten stronger. I definitely have. Whether or not he's meant for me in the future, and if our pathways will cross again, i live it all up to Allah and His perfect timing, and if it isnt, im more than happy to be meeting someone who is much better than him.

I told him once, that he was the best, i do mean it, up till date ive not met anyone who's better than him. He was the best. He is still the best. So if one day Allah granted me a soulmate, my dear soulmate would be much much better than him, and i cant wait for that. If he is great in so many ways, what more my soulmate who is much much more better. I cant wait.

Honestly, at times, when i think back about how he replaced me within a month or two, i cant accept it, i still cringe at it sometimes.. But never once had i wished they separate, never once i wished ill for her, or for him. I guess thats what love does to you, even when they're happy, you let them be happy, and if they need a shoulder to cry on, you would always allow them to depend on you. Just like what my dream say..

A year. 365 days. 12 months. Have i really gotten over you? Have i? Have i really moved on? Ive not forgotten about you thats for sure. But will i ever get over you? Will i ever be comfortable and not cringe at the sight of you being with others. Will i ever stop imagining our paths to cross again. Will i ever imagine myself with someone else..?

This is the exact same reason why i tell everyone i know, that if i die and pass on, find my blog, this blog, and show him this. Because theres too much dedication in a blog. Too many, and you deserve to know. That youve brought the best out of me, youve been the best support, and most importantly, you thought me whats love even though what you gave me wasnt necessarily love. to you at least. You thought me discipline, you brought me to your family and allowed me to see what a family is like. You thought me soo soo much, with the will of Allah.

Thank you mate. Thank you 290613..... 1229...

Assalamulaikum.

♣ Assalamulaikum, I'm Nur Syafiqah. May Allah grant us the Jannahtul Firdaus, and may He place us among the pious. Ameen. If you happen to be in my blog when im no longer around, i seek for your prayers, and forgive me for my wrongdoings.