A letter from me to you....
I know I've stinking guts, i will never be able to write to you, so i blog to express my feelings.
I miss you. I miss you alot. With all my heart i miss you. I've huge ego, i use my ego to ignore you, to deny my feelings for you, to pretend it didnt hurt. But it does.
Im still in a huge denial, some days i accept fate better, but other times, i dont, i dont and i hated how things ended up to be.
One thing i've definitely miss about you was, when everyone else brought me down, you had always been there to prove to me im capable of so much. When everyone else made me feel low about myself, you boosted my self-esteem, and convince me im good. Im good for you, im beautiful. You never failed to convince me that. When im low and broken, you were my greatest support, you made me believe while everyone else look down and criticise me, you were there proving them all wrong. & right now, without you here with me, i had no one to remind me that i should love myself, i had no one to made me believe im beautiful the way i am, i had no one supporting and never giving up on me.
You never did. You never did gave up on me. But we.. we drifted i guess. The first time it happened, i was upset, i was mad, i was broken. Then you came back, you gave me hope, you made me believe that we will never part, and we were meant for each other. But you left, for the second time, and then i was broken once more, i was confuse, i was lost, and most importantly, i was disappointed.
You held on for so long, what made you gave up, on me, on us. I thought we were meant for each other, i thought you claim you wont leave me ever. But i was wrong.
I miss you. I still do. Im a sucker for attachments, I've learned that about myself. That once i get attached to a person, its never easy for me to forget the person. I really am a sucker for attachments. Its been a year and a few months, since we had our last proper conversation. I miss you. I miss us. I miss what we used to had.
I miss you clinging on me, i miss you making me breakfast, i miss your hugs, your kisses, you laughter, most importantly, i miss having someone who no matter what see the beauty in me, supported me, and never gave up on me.
What went wrong.. Some days its just tougher on my side. Some days, i think about you a little bit more than usual. Some days, i wont stop thinking about you, and wished, we were still a pair. I miss your bunnies. I miss you being by my side.
What hurts most, is pretending that seeing you, didnt made me happy, i had to pretend to not acknowledge you, i had to pretend i dont miss you, i had to put my ego up. What for? No answer. No answer at all. All i wanted was for you to come back, and tell me you miss me too.
Yes, i've not fully accepted that we're not meant for each other, i've not fully accepted there are others out there that could make you happy like how i did, i've not fully accepted we're apart now.
I know, you have your life, and i have mine, and we've completely mind our business now, but i wish you are still here, a part of me.
But i'll never forget you, or the memories we had, you were that one friend, i'll never forget. You brought out the best in me, and the worst in me too. I'll always be your sloth, and you'll always be my bunny. I wish you knew.
I really wish you knew. That i miss you. That i wish you came back. That you be a part of me once again.
How fast Allah gives us one of the best blessings, and take it back, when He thinks and knows we dont need it anymore. Ive yet to fully learn from this loss, maybe someday i will. But for now, i've definitely not get over you, and i wish you knew.
I'll see you in Jannah, Amin.
Amira Ismail.

♣ Assalamulaikum, I'm Nur Syafiqah. May Allah grant us the Jannahtul Firdaus, and may He place us among the pious. Ameen. If you happen to be in my blog when im no longer around, i seek for your prayers, and forgive me for my wrongdoings.